This coming weekend will be a year since the beautiful Matilda Mae passed away suddenly. My friend Susanne has set up a linky for letters to Matilda. This morning I’ve just run 5k and as often happens I thought of Matilda but today I thought of what I would write to her. There is just SO much I could say. Many ways she has impacted me. So hopefully I will do this justice.
I’ve followed Mummys blog for years and I loved reading the updates on how you were growing and developing into a beautiful little girl. I can remember the day Mummy posted on twitter to say you had passed away. I remember reading what Mummy was posting with tears streaming down my cheeks. I held my boys so tight that day. I stopped saying ‘In a minute’ and appreciated every single moment with them. Suddenly life seemed so precious. I developed much more patience with the boys and grabbed every opportunity we could to have fun together and you were always in my thoughts. You still are.
Then I decided I needed to do something to raise money for the Lullaby Trust. I’ve always wanted to skydive but I needed a reason that was close to my heart to get me out that plane door. You were that reason Matilda and in the lead up to that skydive I told so many people your story. How beautiful you were. How SIDS is cruel and sudden. How it happens in a blink of an eye and a beautiful baby is gone. We told so many people your name and we raised over £6000 as a team in your memory for the Lullaby Trust. I was so proud of what the team achieved. But at the back of my mind was always the fact that it wasn’t right that we were having to do this and to raise the money because really you should still be here with your family. Having mummy there that day was amazing and she gave out the most amazing hugs and cried with me when I landed. That day the only thing that got me out the door of that plane when I was questioning the safety ‘what if’s’ was the feeling I had whilst we took the flight up that you were watching over us and that we were going to be safe.
I tell my boys mummy jumped out of the plane in memory of a beautiful baby girl who was taken from this world too soon. When we blow bubbles we talk about you. When we are out at night and theres stars in the sky I tell them to look for the brightest star in the sky. They know you are special.
This year we are going to do it again, we will jump out of a plane and shout your name. And I’m going to run two half marathons and am now contemplating a full marathon. I plan to play Katy Perrys Firework as I finish all those races and I know I will cry at the end of all of them. When I run and it gets tough I think of you, and your wonderful loving family who have been so amazingly strong and it pushes me to carry on through the pain.
Matilda your name has spread so far and wide and Mummy has arranged some wonderful events and is continuing to do so. I think of you, and Mummy, and Daddy, and your wonderful brother and sister on a daily basis. You’ve had such an impact on the way I parent and live my life. You’ve taught me how precious life is and to embrace every opportunity. To be patient and take in the little things. Not to wish life away. To treasure the now. And I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.
You are in so many hearts, so many memories. We wont forget. We will always remember. xxxx