Today I took my best mate to visit the grave of one of her friends who died 6 months ago this week. I had never before been to a cemetary as both my grandparents were cremated and neither has a place at those places as we scattered their ashes else where. The last time I was in one was in primary school when we went rubbing of gravestones to find the oldest in Ashford, and obviously at that age you dont have a great deal of understanding as to the place you are in.
I had really mixed feelings about being there, part of me felt it was very peaceful, there was only one other person there and I left Em to it at Lizzies grave to have some time to herself and went for a walk. Its so moving to see graves so well looked after, some are so clean and so vibrant with mementos its so moving. I came across an area of the graveyard which had babies and young children in it and being a mum and reading some of the words and notes lefton these extremely well kept graves was very moving, I could just imagine those parents going to visit those graves day in day out, they are pristine, peaceful with candles and windchimes and toys and pictures.
I found the sad thing being the older graves that now have no one tending to them and have suffered the affects of weather, I found that an extremely sad sight, it made me want to clear away some of the weeds and lay some nice flowers, it just felt so lost and dispondent!
I was suprised at how at ease I felt walking around there as I had expected to feel extremely uncomfortable but after reading a few gravestones I think I quickly got drawn in to understanding who these people were and the grief their families had suffered.
I still havent decided weather I would like to be buried or cremated and it was something I thought about greatly during my walk around there and at one point I felt I had come to the conclusion only to then change my mind! Thats something I still need to puzzle over some more.
Eventually I sauntered back slowly to Lizzies grave and Em got up and came over as it was starting to rain, had a big hug and a good cry and a nice chat all about Lizzie on the walk back to the car. Lizzie was only young when she died, I’m pretty sure younger than Emma whos 24. Had so many prospects and from what Em has told me she was a wonderful young lady and I know her family are now campaigning for better Mental health services so hopefully some good will come from someone so young losing their life.
One saying that I found on a few gravestones stuck with me “You were a rose sent from god who bloomed on earth but will blossom in heaven.”
Rest in peace lost souls.