So christmas for me is one of those times of year that I both hate and love. 2004 was a year I loathed. I didnt want christmas to exists. Why should it? Two of the most important people to me had gone, I’d lost them both in the space of 6 months. I was grieving, Christmas, whats that? 2005 was equally as hard but I did my best to get into the spirit christmas 2006 however I had my little man and everything changed. I still missed my beloved grandparents dearly but I knew I had to start looking forward and looking ahead for Jasons sake.
I have since managed to enjoy xmasses but they will always be bitter sweet for me. I didnt have the most fantastic relationship with my grandparents, I wont lie. We only saw them a few times a year but when we lost my Nan on April 30th 2004 Grandpa suddenly became extremely important. We went round weekly to clean their huge house that he was adament he would stay in. My uncle moved back in with him to help around the house. We would take him out to run errands or just to drive around and get him out the house. He was over 90 when we lost him on October 24th 2004, less than 6 months after my 70 year old Nan had died. I will never forget his funeral. Nans had been tough but I had to be strong for Grandpa, suddenly Grandpa wasnt there now, My mum and her two brothers no longer had their parents, me and my brother now only had one set of grandparents. The turn out at Grandpas funeral was immense and after holding it together on the journey to the crematoriam when I arrived and saw all the people that had turned up to show their respects lets just say I let it all out. In 2005 we spread Nan’s ashes in her favourite woods by a favourite spot of the family and we spread Grandpas ashes at the 18th hole of the golf club he had been chairman of. In 2006 we also had a bench dedicated to Grandpa at the golf club, I bench I have never yet seen.
Tomorrow many years too late Me and my mother are going to go to both these places, neither of us have been back since we spread the ashes. I tried to find nans tree once but couldnt. This time I am going to have mum with me so we wont fail to. I’ve written them both a letter that I am going to leave in their respective placces along with a picture of their wonderful Great Grandson they never got to meet.
Countless times I have asked mum weather she thought Nan and Grandpa would be proud of me as the parent I have turned into and we have both joked about what their old fashioned answers would have been. My Nan never liked to give praise, no matter what, she would always find a round about way in which to give it and my Grandpa would have probably been extremely blunt in telling me I was too young but wishing me all the best!
I miss them both and think of them dearly every day. Last christmas my Dad got a print done up of my Mum and her parents on the day they announced their engagement. Its a wonderful picture and one that now has pride of place in my mothers dining room. For two years running I cycled the London to Brighton for the British Heart Foundation, Grandpa died of heart problems.And I also ran the Hyde Park 5k for them raising over £700 in total combined. It was something I did for Grandpa and helped for me put him to rest.
Rest in Peace Ernest and Paddy Lambard. I love you so much, will never forget you.