Ok so inspired by Josies Writing Workshop Prompt one I am focusing on the thanks I really need to say to my mum. We say thanks all the time for things dont we? J has been taught to say thanks, I was taught to say thanks, its just manners, but sometimes its harder to express those truely heartfelt thanks.
Now where to start when it comes to my mum? God I could write for hours about her, she has always been my inspiration. She brought me and my brother up wonderfully. Always supporting us in whatever adventure we sought out next, never criticising, she was relaxed about grades and only worried about our happiness, but at the same time she brought us up with enought discipline that we knew if we pushed our luck too much what would happen … the hours I spent in my room.
Me and my mother are extremely alike, we are both very stubborn, and because of this we have had our fair share of arguements, especially in my early teens we certainly had a very turbulent relationship shall we say, however alot of this can be blamed upon my depression, something I’ve suffered with for as long as I can remember. My poor mother has been at the brunt of it all, shes the one that if things are really bad at I have shouted and screamed in her face at, shes been my shoulder to cry on when I got in from school and couldnt face the bullying anymore, she took me to the hospital appointments, she helped get me through. And then even more amazingly when her daughter fell pregnant at 16 she sat there and replied with “Ok so what are we going to do?” She didnt shout, she didnt scream, she supported me. It was a tough time, especially when my dad found out but we all got through it and came out the other side. Then comes the next reason for thanking her. She was present at the birth of her first grandchild, she was the first person to hold him, she was the first person to feed him, dress him, change his nappy and at the same time whilst I was lying semi concious with a heart rate nearing 300bpm she was uttering words of encouragement and telling me what was going on around me amid the confusion of all the doctors and nurses there. Then she spent every single night with me in hospital until we came home a week later. And even then her support continued, with PND I waivered alot in my ability to be a mother and having given up her teaching placement and postponed it she had 8 weeks to dedicate to helping me find my feet as a mother and give me the confidence I needed in my own abilities, and that she did. However it hasnt ended there of course, when me and J’s father split she was the one there through all the anger and screaming and shouting when I just needed to let it out, she gave me her shoulder to cry on again when I came back from meetings with his dad in trying to resolve contact.
In 2008 she heard the dreaded words “I want to move out and find my own feet” Her 18 year old daughter and 1 year old Grandson were going to be leaving her nest, we were no longer going to be right in front of her for her to look after and care for. She absolutely dreaded me moving out and I know she did, it broke her heart to no longer have us under her roof but it improved our relationship greatly.
She was also my rock through the pregnancy I lost last January, she was the one that sat with me at the hospital, she spoke up for me when I could speak no more to the numerous nurses and doctors, she ushered me out through the back entrance and held me tight, she arranged an appointment with my GP and filled them in on what had happened so they were prepared for the depression that was bound to take hold, she cared for J that day and then brought him back to me with him carrying a bunch of flowers whilst I slept in bed.
Words simply cannot describe the heartfelt thanks and appreciation I have for my mother. Whilst doing all of this she has also raised my brother and supported him, run a home, gained her degree in teaching and is now in a job she loves, she has decorated her house to exactly how she wanted it. The only way I can describe my mother is amazing and nothing I can ever say or give or do is ever going to show her how much I truely love her. I dread the day when one day she is no longer going to be with me and I pray desperately that that is years and years away.
However she would kill me if I didnt mention her latest big challenge to herself … she is swimming the english channel, with a team of other members of girl guiding uk next July as a relay over the 21 miles … yes she is mad I know… more about that another time!
Thank you Mum. I love you. You are an inspiration and I wouldnt be where I am today without you. Your amazing.