That day.

Im sorry that this is going to be a rather depressing post so if your in a happy mood look away.

The above was the Eulogy I wrote for Stephen and delivered yesterday at his funeral. I held it together. I dont quite know how. I know my voice was shakey at times and I didnt even look up once I just focused on the paper in front of me. But I did it and I knew I had to because I wanted to do it for Steve.

The trouble was afterwards everyone was congratulating me and complimenting me on how good it was and saying they couldnt have done it etc, people I’d never met which I do appreciate but at the same time Stephen was meant to be centre of attention, not me, it wasnt about me, I just wanted to scream leave me alone think of Steve not of me!

It wasnt an easy day and there were a vast range of emotions running riot in my head, not least anger that his “friend” who is suspected to have spiked his drink with whatever it was Steve was allergic too showed up with his girlfriend.

However on a more positive note it was possibly a good thing he was there as the Vicar delivered a wonderful message about consequences and how actions will always have them and that those who deliver those actions must live with them, so maybe it pricked someones concience of all his friends sitting there.

The Burial was tough, I’d never been to one before as both my Grandparents were cremated. My dad whos usually very hard and tough even admitted he found it hard seeing a father helping to lower his sons coffin into the ground, not something I ever want to have to experience ever again! No parent should ever have to bury their child and thats a fact as far as I am concerned. Its not the way of life.

I dont deal with death well, I never have, my first experiences of it werent good and thats probably had an impact on things so today hasnt been easy, I dragged myself kicking and screaming in my mind into college, there was no point my being there I cant remember anything thats been said I was in my own world for the whole day! I couldnt tell you one thing that was discussed. But I did it even if I feel no better for it now!

Well its time to pick up my little piece of sanity and my little angel who keeps me going through my darkest hours, always making me smile and realised I’m needed.

Do not judge a song by its duration
Nor by the number of its notes
Judge it by the way it touches and lifts the soul
Sometimes those unfinished are the most beautiful

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