I miss you.

Yesterday it was six years since we lost my Nan. 
I miss her. 
I often wonder what she would be like now? 
Would she offer me advice on parenting?
Or would she sit back and watch?
Would she be proud of what I have achieved as a parent?
Would she have changed in any way?
Would she get out all the toys she used to get out for me and my brother for J?
Would she take pictures of J running around their garden at full pelt in all its wonderful glory that it was?
Would J be fascinated by the greenhouse like I once was?
Fascinated by those amazing flowers Grandpa grew?
Would that soaring hot fire still burn in the winter?
And the old pictures remain in their place?
I dont have the answers to those questions as Nan left us six years ago, at a time when we had least expected it.
It hurt then. 
It hurts now.
They say time is a healer.
I argue that its not.
You simply learn to adapt.
To cope with the pain.
To adjust. 
I wish for one more day, one more hour, one more minute. 
Just so I could tell her “I Love you” one more time.
I always admired nan. She was so beautiful in my eyes. 
So tall and elegant.
I loved their home.
Her quirks.
I miss her so much.
L-R My Nanny and Grandad (still alive and kicking – Dads parents), Me, My Dad, My Brother, My Mum, Grandpa (Oct04) and Nan (April 04)
That picture was taken when my parents renewed their wedding vows. I dont know what year. I look around 5? 6? So probably around 1995/1996.

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