Its already June, uh how? Where the fecking hell did that one come from? It was Christmas yesterday! Ok clearly not but you know what I mean! This year is going so fast already.
I had a bad weekend, my depression got really bad, I had a rough session with my counsellor and well yeah, those that suffer with depression will know what I’m getting at.
But, that was then, this is now. And I’ve decided a few things. Whats going to get me through is my plans for the future! Big ones and little ones!
So this month? Heres what I’m going to do:
I’ve slacked off the past week, it was that time of the month and I didnt feel up to it, not an excuse really, so tomorrow morning I am back out there and by the end of June I want to be able to run 3 miles comfortably. So thats goal one.
I’ve finally done something about getting out of the house, since the end of college and the current overlap of childcare meaning J is out socializing alot of the week I have been spending far too much time sitting on my backside, not good for me and not good for a depressive head. So on my worst/lowest/dismalist day last week I plucked up the courage to ask about volunteering at one of the charity shops I really like in town, and so I will be from now on. Three mornings a week. I am really nervous but really looking forward to it all the same!
This month I have a glamour shoot to do with an old friend, visiting her on Thursday to discuss ideas and such and then hopefully book in a date, while she still has a tan from her holiday. I’m also continuing on with my T189 OU course which I’m really enjoying, I’m using my camera so much better now and have started to shoot in RAW more, which is hard work obviously when it comes to processing but I like how well the pics come out.
I need to send off my application forms for my OU courses I want to start in October which will be the official start to my degree. I’m really excited at the prospect of beginning it but shite scared too!
I have alot of “me time” available at the moment but I dont use it as well as I should! I used to do alot with crystals, meditiation etc and I really need to get back into that. Whilst in Brighton today I went into a new age shop and just being amongst all the books, the scent, the sounds, that told me what I needed to do. So I WILL get back into spending time for ME.
I need to start expanding my friendship network, I want to hopefully meet a few more bloggers that live nearish, I want to start making the most of some friends I normally keep at arms length, I want to start considering weather I am ready for a
relationship friendship with a male. Ok, maybe we’ll skip that one and leave it another few months.
During my really rough weekend I’ve had Mum didnt let me out of her sight, for understandable reasons but as much as it was suffocating not being able to so much as leave the room without her wondering what I was doing it also meant we spent some quality time together, something we havent done in a long time. We see each other every day but thats not the same as going for a walk to the river, or wandering around a car boot. So this month I aim to appreciate my mum more too!
So quite a few big plans and a few even bigger that I dont want to share quite yet as they are more long term ones, but maybe there are reasons to live.
Maybe life can be enjoyable.
Maybe it just needs the right balance.