Why do we create our dream birth ideas only to be let down?

The other day I read a post by Make Do Mum about her birth plan and how it had gone in terms of what her plan had said. I’ve been thinking alot about my own birth recently as what with my godson due to be born in the next few weeks along with his brother and a couple of other friends ready to pop its been in my mind a bit. Its no secret it I had a hard birth, I’ve blogged about it before (see end of post).

Now when I read Make do mums’s post about birth plans it got me thinking about my own, which I annoyingly now cant find anywhere on my harddrive! But basically it was along the lines of this:

Birth companion: A (Baby’s Father) and My mum

Positions for labour and birth: I want to be free to walk around and use gravity as much as possible to help the labour progress and to give birth. I dont want to be lying on my back and would rather be on all fours if possible.

Pain relief
I would rather not use pain relief although may try the gas and air, where possible I would like to be talked out of any injections even if I ask for them, I absolutely do not want a epidural!

Birthing pool
If the birthing pool room is available I would like to use it.

I want to be examined as little as possible and the babys heartrate only checked intermittendly 

I would rather not have any cut, but if there is a risk of tearing then ok. I do not want any assitance from ventouse or forceps if can be avoided. I would like to be handed my baby immediately after delivery so to enable him/her to latch onto the breast immediately should they so wish. If possible I would like my Mum to be able to cut the cord.

Third stage
I would like the injection to deliver the placenta.

Feeding the baby
I wish to breastfeed my child and so would like encouragement and support with this where possible.

Unexpected situations
Should anything unexpected happen to my newborn child I wish for either A or Mum to remain with the baby AT ALL TIMES, no exceptions, they are both aware of this wish and will do their best to see to it.

So what did I end up with?

Well I ended up with almost 24 hours of labour, an epidural, attempted ventouse delivery, distressed baby heartrate, emergency c-section, two uterus’ cut open, a cut through my bladder, body going into shock from losing 6 pints of blood, heartrate going to the point they told my mum they would lose me if it went much faster, a baby with sepsis and jaundice under 24hours old and very sketchy memories. Not really the birth I had dreamt of.

Me @ 37 weeks

And dream it was, I had spent the whole nine months planning this wonderful natural birth, this earth motherly scene where I would labour at home, bouncing on my ball, having long baths, pottering about and only heading into hospital when I felt in was the time. I would put my child straight on the breast and follow in my mums footsteps of breastfeeding my children (she breastfed me and my brother and was an NCT breastfeeding counsellor) to the point I hadnt even read up on what you had to do when it came to bottle feeding and hadnt brought any equipment for it.

Reading Makedomums post it got me thinking, why do we create these “plans”. Plan according to dictionary.com means a scheme or method of acting, doing, proceeding, making, etc., developed in advance: battle plans. So why do we create something that sounds s
o specific and set in stone when really it is one of the most unpredictable times of our lives. We create these dreams that are then dashed. 

I struggled with PND for a good few months, and I still struggle to accept my birth now. Why? Because it wasnt the birth I spent 9 months planning and dreaming of. I hadnt prepared for the possibility it could go horribly wrong. I hadnt seen anything other than the black and white piece of paper in front of me detailing how I wanted things to go. 

Would it be better to create birth guidelines, ideas and suggestions of how we’d like things to go but not so dreamy and idealist as birth plans? Was your birth the textbook birth plan that you hoped for? Did you even plan your birth? I am including a Mclinky so feel free to add any posts you may have about your own births and birth plans!

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