Last week we stopped breastfeeding. I’ve worked out that my son is almost 2 years and 5 months. I’m proud of that. But sad too. The sadness is taking over at the moment and engulfing me. I’m told that thats normal when your hormones are beginning to drop. Our breastfeeding journey didn’t start out well and we struggled for a LONG time to get through the pain that I was experiencing. Son had a lazy latch and would make me incredibly sore to the point I’d be swearing as he latched on. Everyone told me my nipples would harden up after 6 weeks, they didn’t. Eventually about 10 weeks old we went to the local breastfeeding cafe and they couldn’t offer much advice other than to try nipple shields again. We persevered, sometimes with the shields and sometimes without. And eventually around 6 months the pain started to go. And things went swimmingly for a while. Then after a while the pain came back again and it turned out we had thrush. I remember at that stage I wanted to give up again, but we didn’t. Mainly because I’m too stubborn for my own good. Because I won’t just say right thats over with. Instead I’ll choose the harder route and say no we’re going to keep going.
Initially I wanted to feed 6 weeks. Then I was aiming for 6 months. And then a year. And then two. Three would have been nice but recently our feeds have cut right down. He’d have a bit of a feed at bedtime but it wouldn’t last more than a minute or two and the rest of the day he would request it and wouldn’t be on there for more than 30 seconds. So I was kind of feeling whats the point? And I suppose I want my body back a bit, although from what I’m reading that could take a while!
I’m scared too. Because I know the breastfeeding hormones have contributed to my good mood because of the hormones and I am worried about that dropping, especially through winter when I often get SAD but I’ll just have to see how that goes.
My son is absolutely fine about it which has surprised me in a way! He has asked for ‘Boob’ a few times but more because he knows he gets attention that way because usually it would mean mummy comes running and he gets snuggles. So instead whenever he asks for it I offer him a drink and a cuddle and he’s fine about that. He still loves to put his hands down my top claiming he has ‘cold hands’ he does it constantly when we are out! Much to the amusement of the other school mums!
I dont think its the last time I’ll breastfeed. But I guess only time will tell. I’m sure in a few weeks I’ll be feeling more pleased about it and proud of the journey we’ve had. But I suppose at the moment I’m mourning it a little bit. 😦