This time next week it will all be over. Only the aches and pains left behind and evidence of my achievement in the form of a medal. And it will be that, an achievement. I know this is not going to be easy for me. I am under no illusions about that. Thats why I fear it I think. Because I know it will be a mental battle. Not least because I want to do everyone proud. I want to do those who have believed in me proud. I want them to know that their support helped. That it meant so much. Because it does.
I wish I could feel excited. I don’t. I’m terrified of the flight (have never feared flying before but haven’t flown in ages), I’m terrified I’ll forget something, my bag will get lost, I’ll not find my way to the hotel, I won’t be able to find my way to the start, I will pick up an injury, I’ll be ill, I won’t sleep enough. A million and one worries. And I’m not even there yet. I have to pack first.
Tonight I cried. Why? Because I’ve lost 1 running sock and a headband. But its a special headband. One that means alot. And I need it. I need to run with it. I will be so sad if I cannot find it. I’m an emotional wreck this week. When I’m busy I’m fine. The moment I’m home and my mind can wander I start to panic again, to worry, to stress. I wish this week would just hurry up and be over. I want to be there now. On that start line. Ready to go.
But for now I should sleep!