Yesterday I ran a marathon. 26.2 miles. Long hellish at time miles.
It’s hard to put it into words at the moment. Ultimately the runner in me is disappointed because I didn’t reach the goal time I had wanted. As a few people have pointed out if I took out the time spent with St. John’s ambulance and 2 wee breaks then actually I did meet it. But the chip time doesn’t equate for those.
However the fundraiser in me is proud. I’m proud because yesterday I received 11 donations on my just giving page which meant by the time I started at 10am I had reached my target of £400. It now stands at £475. That doesn’t include yet the £400+ raised from the virtual run. So I feel I’ve done good by the lullaby trust.
It was a highly emotional run. When I flew up on Saturday I looked out the window and saw the most amazing rainbow in the clouds and I knew Matilda Mae was telling me it would be ok. I thought of her constantly as I ran the course. Every time I questioned ‘can I do this’ I shut myself up with yes you can because Matilda will never know what it is to run, because her legacy is always going to live on and it will always be important to talk about her, SIDS and the lullaby trust. I ran across the finish mat and bent over double in tears. Heart wrenching sobs. I had held so many tears in around the course. It’s hard to run and cry because it affects your breathing so the moment I finished it all came out. The emotions that SIDS is cruel. That it’s not fair that healthy beautiful babies are taken without a known cause. That in the 21st century with the medical advances we have that families are still experiencing this heartbreak.
After we got back to the city I was stood in the street whilst we tried to hail a cab and was thinking about Tilda when I turned around to look at the view and was greeted with a full rainbow going across the city. I promptly started sobbing full on in the middle of the street. My dad wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the latest outburst as he hadn’t even spoken and till that point it had been every time he told me he was proud I cried. If I had ever doubted signs that would have confirmed it for me. I know when we skydive again this year Tilda will be there watching over us keeping us all safe. She is one amazing baby with the most amazing legacy and to be just a small part of that means so very much.