Yesterday we went to the beach. It was a decision I made on Monday when I knew I needed some time away. Ideally I had wanted to take the kids away for a night somewhere but seems all the budget hotels get booked up in seaside resorts during the summer holidays, who’d have thought?! So I decided we would go somewhere different. Usually when I need my sea fix, which has been ALOT lately, we go to Brighton. I know Brighton well, I can drive there and know the route like the back of my hand. We spend hours throwing rocks in the sea and walking along the sea front. But I needed to feel like I was really getting away, not going home, which is how Brighton tends to feel!
So I drove out of my comfort zone and went to Bournemouth. I wasn’t particularly thrilled at the idea of the journey but we were very lucky and traffic was clear both ways. I sort of know bournemouth beach but not that well but had my eye on a particular area and luckily we managed to find a spot near enough to the water that we could set up camp. The boys arent used to sandy beaches but they loved it. We built sandcastles and paddled in the water. Little man thought it was hilarious to run up and down in the waves so we spent 15 minutes sprinting up and down getting soaked and laughing our heads off. It was just what I needed.
For a few hours I was able to forget the things that have been upsetting me and bringing me down recently. Life has been such an immense rollercoaster these past few months. I’ve put too much energy into things I really should have known better. As many of my friends on instagram have been telling me this week I am stronger than I realise and I can pick myself back up again, because I always do. But there are times when you wish there was someone by your side helping you.
I need to spend time doing things that make me happy. I’m not good at doing that. I’m not good at saying to people, ‘Please can you babysit I need to do something for me’ I don’t have enough self worth to believe that is a valid reason. But its what I do need to try and do more of at the moment. No matter how alien it is.
The big events of this year are over. A half marathon, A marathon and a Skydive for the Lullaby Trust which have raised over £1200. School is over for a year. September/October sees some big changes in our day to day lives and I need to try and find some peace with that because at the moment I’m still not such a fan of that idea.
But in the meantime I’m going to try and find a bit of happiness in each day, no matter how small, be it snuggles with the boys, giggles on the trampoline or ice cream by the river. I’m going to make sure there is something small that makes me smile. Maybe the small ones will add up.