I’m injured at the moment. I have finally admitted that fact to myself after a week of pain. The problem is I’m not good at resting when injured. I have a high pain threshold generally and joint pain is something I’m good at withstanding so I have run through it a couple of times, its probably not helping the injury I know. The trouble is running is my therapy, its my drug. I spent years on anti depressants and when I started running regularly, following training plans and completing races I managed to come off them because I learnt that if I was getting myself down, or my thoughts were overwhelming me that I had to go for a run. If I was pissed off about something that could bring me right down, I run. If I’m struggling to get out of bed and not stay there all day, I go for a run. Its what gets me through.
This summer was especially tough with hurdles I never envisaged coming this time last year. In reaction to that I signed up for new events, got myself out and training and used that to get me through day to day when really I wanted to shout and scream at the world or just curl up in a ball and stay there forever.
Running makes me ‘well’. It gets me by day to day. Its my drug. So when I can’t do it because of injury it does tend to have a huge knock on effect on me. The irony of it is for one of my university courses I did a research study about how injury affects the mental health of athletes! I wasn’t even much of a runner at the time but clearly I somehow knew it could have a detrimental effect.
Everyone tells me to go out and cycle instead, or walk, but I don’t get the same effect from those, if I did then I would do it! Running is what does it for me. If I’m angry, upset, emotional, I run the hell out of my legs, often getting PBs on those runs because I just put everything thats in my head into my legs. Not being able to do that on a week thats quite frankly an emotional washing machine is really hard. My emotions are all over the place at the moment and I’m tearful constantly, even around the kids which rarely happens. So not being able to just lace up whenever I want and run is really hard.
Injury wont last forever, or it better not. But the short term is absolute hell.